i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
