marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
