His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
