You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
