If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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