i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
