i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Banned from zoo.
Again?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
