He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Damn victory sex feels great
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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