even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
