HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This is the high leading the old right now
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
