After last night, I could never be a politician.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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