my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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