I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
