So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
