No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
