oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
