You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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