Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
