There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
