You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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