My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
