Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
