Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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