i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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