So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize