She announced her abortion via fbk
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
