wrigley field is MILF paradise
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
