and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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