I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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