before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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