You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
