Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
