you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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