I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
