What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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