We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
