He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
