So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
