Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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