he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
