Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
