I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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