I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize