i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
