U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
