dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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