i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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