Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
