i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
