Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I didn't notice because vodka
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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