FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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