sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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