these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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