Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
