Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
