..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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