so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
