I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
