If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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