a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
