if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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