That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he was CRYING into my vagina
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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