she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
