Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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