My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
