how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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