Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize