I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
