its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
