Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
