I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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