I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
