Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
