But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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