How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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