Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
