So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
PANTIES FOUND
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