I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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