you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
