I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
