That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
