maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
