i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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