My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
