how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize