I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
