do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
