come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
