I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
