So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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