All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
