bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
