bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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