Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
