I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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