meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
