addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
