so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize