Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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