how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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