break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think people are normalizing furries
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
