why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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