Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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