I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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