Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
