jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize