If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
