Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
