he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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