my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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