I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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