I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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