just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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